I know I know, I’ve been hearing it lately: You need to updated your blog; What happened to your blog; Your blog has a problem; Did you decide to bag the blog? etc. etc.
This is good that I get these questions from people because sometimes it is hard to keep up with the blog and I slack off and this pestering keeps me going. So please pester me if you see that I am slacking, I obviously need it. It is not hard in the sense that it takes a lot of time and effort, although it does take some. It is hard because it is hard to change your old ways, and when you have a problem sometimes you do not want to face it or deal with it but you just make excuses or tend to put if off “just till tomorrow,” Then you do not have to face it or deal with it at the moment, you think.
I did a lot of thinking this last week when I was slacking and it is hard to “face the music” so to speak. I knew I should have been posting daily but I always talked my way into putting it off, “just till tomorrow.”
I’ve been running around like the emperor with no clothes on (not literally-not a good picture). Oh I realize the problem, from the pain in my knees to the shortness of breath after climbing one flight of stairs, to the pain in my back when I stand to long, and on and on. I am very much aware that others see the symptoms of my problem too, how could they not it is right in your face. Even the little kids see it, you can tell by their comments, “Mom! Look that man is so fat!” Oh most of the time I just politely ignore it as if I did not hear it and chalk it up to the poor parenting skills of the child’s parents. However sometimes it gets to me and I feel like asking the parent(s) of the child if they got around to teaching their children any manners yet, but I don’t, because my nature is to avoid confrontation, it come from my dad.
I’m not sure people know the problem, like I said I think they know the symptom of the problem, I’m fat, actually I’m morbidly obese if you want to use the medical term for it. I’m about 250-275 lbs overweight, but this is the symptom not the problem. So in the spirit of this blog, speaking simply, I’ll just state the problem, I’m addicted to food, I like good food. and I use food for comfort. There it is!
The Un-pleasantries - Some people would say I’m 350 lbs or more overweight, but they do not have an actual clue of what the hell they are talking about. They look at some standard height weight chart and think, “Yup that’s what Joe should weigh.” Well people who think that are full of crap! I know exactly what my healthy weight is, how do I know you ask. Because I know my body, I know my family history, I’ve been acutely aware of and monitored my weight, growth, size, what ever you want to call it, since I was a teenager and I’m 42 right now. That is not saying I have been fat since I was young I have not, although I have always been of a large stature, I was not always fat. Also, I have been participating in a large ongoing medical study at the University of Utah for over 12 years. As part of the study they tell you exactly what your healthy body weight is, and guess what? My healthy body weight is not even close to what the “normal” or standard height weight BMI chart would have you believe. So take that and put it in your bank of knowledge you know it alls.
Back to Business – (Sorry about the unpleasant nature of the last paragraph but sometimes my dander gets up.)
My weight problem does not lie in the fact that I eat to many sweets or candy or junk food, like chips and soda. Those that know me, know that I rarely eat this type of food and I almost never purchase this stuff. No, my problem lies in the fact that I use food for comfort and that I like good food. Use food for comfort you say? Yes, when I feel depressed or have anxiety I turn to food as the comforter. This is a huge problem because it is a vicious cycle. You turn to food for the comfort which actually causes more problems with anxiety and depression. Now don’t misinterpret things, I do not have a large scale serious depression or anxiety problem, I have the normal ups and downs other people have. I just need to figure out how to react to them in a different way than using food to deal with these times in my life. (it is not as easy as it seems) There in lies the very hard part, figuring out and changing your habits so that they are healthier choices for my life. Sounds easy but it is not. It also gets more complicated when you have people who think they know everything and think you are really unhealthy because you weigh more than the “Standardized Chart” says you should, because then you think your unhealthy or fat and the vicious cycle starts and gains momentum and it is hard to change when it starts.
Not Your Normal AddictionIt is not your normal addiction and I will tell you why. Lets look at someone addicted to cigarettes/ smoking. In fact I was a smoker for about 5 or 6 years in my early twenties. Then one day I got sick and was in bed for over a week. Yes, I was literally in bed and did not leave the house for over a week. Because I was sick and in bed for over a week I did not smoke at all during this time, when I recovered and was well the smell and taste of smoking was repulsive to me and I never smoked again. There in lies the big difference with this addiction, it is one that you can not give up totally, you have to have food to survive, you can’t just quit “cold turkey.”
Quitting any addiction is hard enough and I have the utmost respect and admiration for those who have done this, but imagine how hard it would be to quit any addiction if you had to partake of that which you where addicted to on a daily but limited basis. Be honest know, I am, it would be very difficult. That is my struggle, some days it is very easy and some days it is very hard, but I keep trying in hopes that I will succeed in the struggle. Because I want to be able to go camping with my sons, and play ball with them in the park or even go to the amusement park and ride rides with them and my wife. I want to be able to go out and do things with my wife like hiking, traveling, or just the simple thing such as going to a concert, but I can’t right now. In the future I will but right now I just think, struggle and hope, and try to stay out of the vicious cycle that got me in the place I’m in today.
I will be working to post my food journal and exercise daily as well as some thoughts along the way. If you see me slacking feel free top pester me, I need almost all the help I can get. I say almost because some help is just not that well thought out and it may sound smart but it really is just load of you know what.
In closing here is a twist on an old phrase, “If you‘re not failing, you’re not trying!” But you should never plan to fail.
